Being the Bigger Person
There’s a couple seats near the front of the theater, aisle seats nonetheless. The perfect spot for a trip to the movies with Cade. Outings with autism are best when carefully planned. Our seating of choice? The location that provides the easiest escape in the event of a meltdown. We take our seats, my son and I. Leaning over a big ass tub of popcorn I whisper, “Who’s gonna win?”
“Batman,” he replies.
Of course he would say Batman. The caped crusader is by far Cade’s favorite. Justice League has been on his most anticipated films list since Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. And while he may have limited verbal skills, the look on Cade’s face following Dawn of Justice needed no words. “What the hell just happened to Superman?” It’s now one year, seven months and twenty-three days later and he’ll finally find out.
Physically, Cade is an adult — a rather large adult rivaling the size of many among the DC Universe. However, within his towering facade lies a child. Cade’s the tortoise and the hare wrapped into one fantastically complicated fable. Hopeful that slow and steady wins the race; I long for the day that Cade progresses emotionally past a four-year-old. Until then, I remain the parent of an individual old enough to know better, but young enough to not care. Doing as a four-year-old does Cade loudly announces, “Restroom, Daddy.”
“But we just went to the restroom buddy.” I respond. “Why didn’t you go then?”
“Restroom, Daddy,” he repeats.
Doing as the parent of a four-year-old does, I escort him to the restroom. Exiting the theater I place my 3D glasses above my head. Cade does the same. It’s the usual restroom visit: #1 or #2 followed by hand washing and waving side to side in front of a dryer sensor that doesn’t work. Wiping my hands on my pants I glance in the mirror. My 3D glasses have disheveled my coif. With my hands above my head praying mantis style, I work my hair back to the way I like it. Messy but not too messy; it’s my idea of controlling the uncontrollable. Cade stands next to me with perfectly-styled light chestnut locks. He has been blessed with a thick head of hair that just stays put. Observing me, he becomes a young praying mantis and he does the same. Messy but not too messy; the two of us head back to our seats.
My hands are always cold. My wife says it’s like sleeping with a vampire. Cade, on the other hand, is very warm natured. He takes after his mother in that manner. I place my hands beneath my thighs to keep them warm and I recline back. Theater seats have come a long way, I must admit. Cade’s eyes are locked straight ahead as his idol emerges on the screen. He places his hands beneath his thighs and he does the same. Reclined back, the two of us enjoy the show.
It’s a weekday evening so the theater’s less crowded. Cade stays mesmerized as comic book legends join forces. Immersed in superhero bliss, he remains focused.
“Beat his ass, Cyborg!” Cade shouts to the screen.
“Shhh…” I lean over once more. “Let’s use our inside voice.”
“Beat… his… ass,” he slowly and softly repeats.
Excited that Cade actually used volume control, I gave him kudos. “Great job with that inside voice, Doo-Doo.”
I call him Doo-Doo from time to time. I don’t know why. I just do.
“Bump it bro!” I tell him.
We exchange a fist bump and get back to the movie. I cross my arms in front of me and Cade does the same. They say mirroring is a subconscious behavior. They say we imitate the gestures, both verbal and nonverbal, of those that surround us. This is especially true of our closest friends and family. Cade, on the other hand mimics my every move in a very conscious and purposeful manner. Even in a room full of super friends, he’s watching my every move. It’s clear to me that if I want Cade to be a better person, then I must be a better person as well. My father used to always tell me, “Don’t do as I do. Do as I say.” He was a lunatic. I loved that man, but he was a lunatic. And while I didn’t do as he did, it was because I was smart enough to know better.
We live in a world where we think we can change people through insults. For some reason we believe that calling individuals rednecks or libtards will make them somehow see things our way. This is the same dumb ass mentality of drivers with road rage. On the highway as well as in life, sometime they’re the assholes and sometime we’re the assholes. If we expect others to take it easy when we unintentionally cut them off, then we must do the same. For it’s in our most frustrating and challenging moments that it’s most important to lead by example. Show them a better way. You never know who’s watching. As far as you adults with the childish name calling, leave the jokes for the comedians. In a world full of Jokers, be something bigger. Be the Batman!
Kelly Jude Melerine
Awesome as always my bro. Cade rocks by the way. When we are happy he is happy.
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My dude! Thank you so much. Let’s get together soon.
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I loved the lesson at the end. I just took my kids to watch the latest Star Wars movie. It was such a nice time to sit with them in the dark and be transported to another place. Plus, we all love Star Wars so there was a lot to talk about afterward.
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Star Wars is next on the list for us. I agree. There’s nothing like being transported somewhere else for a little while.
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As always, sheer WONDERFUL. Which we need at present. I have a couple of recipes for you when things stop flying around the metaphorical room here……but really. It makes me feel better knowing you guys are out there. Blessings and thanks!!
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Thanks for making my day! You are awesome.
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xoxoxo holding the space is truly important……
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You are awesome.
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Cade the Batman 😊
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🙂
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I absolutely love reading your blogs! I’ve worked for the same school system (high school) for 16 years. I work in the Counseling Office with Counselors, a school psychologist and a number of wonderful Special Ed. teachers and paras. Nothing and I mean nothing gives me greater insight into the world of the autistic students as your very “real and honest” blog. Thank you, it truly helps me to understand and be better at what I do!
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Wow! What an amazing compliment. Thank you so much. Also, thank you for the work you are doing. People like you make this parenting thing a lot more manageable.
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On fatherly advice – I had been a good boy until was 19, my only bad habit was girls. Then-boom – I hit angry young man. After a couple of years of watching my father said, “You can be as pissed off and dissatisfied as you want, but everybody was born wih one asshole, and that’s plenty.” Leaving me to realize that I didn;t need to spend time auditioning to be anyone else’s second. bad begavior begets bad behavior. Listen to what happens in a quiet church when one baby/toddler gets restless…We are always in danger of becoming what we encounter.
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So true my friend.
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I love your articles…the words tickle my writer’s fancy! I SO understand what you’re saying. Ben (55) leans back in his recliner chair when my husband does, folds his arms likewise, and his feet if that happens too! When I’m at a Hallmark store looking at cards and Ben’s with me, he takes the same stance I do…even though he could care less about what the cards say or how they look! At the movies, we sit on the very top row if possible…not many people there (usually)…he loves the comic book characters too, and the popcorn is the “special feature!” Keep on writing…you make my day. Ben is here for Christmas. We’ve been to Church, shopping, and have eaten out at a nice Restaurant (whole family) for our 60th Anniversary. He did “excellent!” in every case! What a blessing! God bless you, your wife and Cade.
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People like you inspire the heck out of me. It’s encouraging to know that we are not alone. Ben is AWESOME! It’s funny you mentioned about the Hallmark store looking at cards. Cade does the same thing. I was just at the drug store getting shampoo today. I was squatting down reading a bottle on the bottom shelf. While doing this I was leaning my forehead into my palm. I look to my side and Cade is squatting with his forehead into his palm. Thanks for being you!
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Have had you come to mind several times lately and was wondering what the latest is with Cade. God bless you!
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You sound like a great dad. I have a daughter who always has to go to the bathroom. Never fails. Cade is a lucky guy.
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The bathroom breaks always come at an important part in the movie too. LOL!
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Yep. LOL
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Dude, you are one caring loving guy. Again you inspire me. I wish I had role models like you around when I was growing up. You’re not only making a difference in Cade’s life but everyone who reads your stories. BTW when is the book coming out? 😉 Hope you had a great Christmas bro.
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My man. Thanks for always being supportive. I’ve been a bit busy and need to spend more time writing the book. I do have over 230 pages (65,000 words). So hopefully not too much longer.
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Dude your an inspiration to me like always. You have such a kind caring heart. Your story needs to be told. It will happen when the time is right. Until then keep being you, and catch you this year sometime. Can’t wait to catch up.
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My dude! You’re the best.
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We both the best!
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Kelly,
I love reading your blogs and learning more about Cade! Your blogs help keep me grounded. Recently, my son was diagnosed with ADHD. The last few months have been a little wild with much learning for both coping and patience. I love how real you are about being a parent and sharing the good and the bad on your blog. You are an amazing person and parent; always showing kindness and love to your family and friends! I know I have much growth in parenting and look forward to reading your blogs on daily living and parenting! Love to you and your family! Your friend, Lynette
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Lynette,
You are the best. ADHD is no match for the amazingly loving person that you are. I will be cheering you on from the sidelines. Children have a way of making us want to pull the hair out of our heads. This is especially troubling when we’re having good hair days. Keep the faith. Keep the hair. And keep being awesome. Much love for you and your family. Your friend,
Kelly
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